It happened, although it was like it didn’t

Do you know what a BDS is?  Im’ma tell you right now.

A Brain Detonating Shit is when someone does or says something that at the moment, though it might blaffle you or confuse you, unleashes it’s power hours later, days later;  it blows up then and melts your brain.

The implantation of BDS is an art that only few people can master.  I have the pleasure to know a few.   BDSs are the one thing that can fuck me up like no other type of phsycological bullshit. They make me violent in a way that no insult or fight can.  Mostly because I rarely understand them (part of the magic of the BDS, it must be something that you can’t understand right away and I’m a very logical person, a problem solver, thus my whole sanity falls on the fact that I get stuff.  Otherwise I ask for clarification.  Otherwise?  I loose my shit.), and if there is something that kills me, it is not understanding why someone does something to me.

It’s like slow death.  I need to know if you are angry with me, or dissapointed, or sad;  I need a reason behind your hurting me.  Otherwise, I won’t deny it,  I go batshit crazy.

Last Saturday I received about ten text messages that served as BDSs. The messages ended in nothingness.  You know in The Neverending Story when the nothingness comes and swallows stuff?  That’s what was left after the messages.  By ten o’clock I wanted to peel off parts of my skin.  Every couple of hours I would conclude that it didn’t happen, that’s why it is so crazy!  So I checked my cell phone about fifty times only to find the messages there and fall into shock again because IT HAPPENED.   I AM LIVING THE CRAZY!

I dealt with this by myself. Nobody would understand without a long recount of a story I don’t want to tell so, I was alone in this.  This, inevitably lead to sadness.  Sadness leads to anger.   You know, what Yoda says.   Then you know that one of my specialties when I’m sad and angry AND alone is to slash anyone that dares come close enough to feel it.

My poor coworkers had a couple of rough days.

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10 thoughts on “It happened, although it was like it didn’t

    • narami says:

      Oh.Em.Gee HIKER! You DO know what this was like!!!!! YOU DOOOOOO! Because I remember that girl, and this was equally WHAAAA?! Oh, how glad am I right now that SOMEONE gets what this was like?! You have no idea, and I have no words, that’s how glad I am >___< Really, it is something comforting to know one is not alone in a feeling or a thought.

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        • narami says:

          I thought I had replied to this already! Crazy. Yes, that’s the one I’m talking about. In my case it’s someone that it’s been in and out for six years, so believe me when I tell you it can break my brain if I try to analyze it. Stupid people can’t make up their minds!

          Is she back again somehow? In any case I wish you peace of mind.

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          • geekhiker says:

            Funny you should ask. She’s not back, but I have found myself feeling curious about what happened to her of late (no, not to reconnect; obviously I could never trust her again). One (female) friend of mine is trying to convince me that I should send the girl an e-mail, but I suspect that’s probably a bad idea…

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            • narami says:

              I don’t know anything about anything, but if it was me, I wouldn’t contact her, specially through an email. Only because all my attempts to do stuff like that have backfired LIKE WHOA and I’ve ended up in a worst place, emotionally, than before satisfying my curiosity. I think the statistics of good things happening after a situation like the one she left you in are minimal, maybe people make too much of it when exceptions happen because I’ve never actually met anyone that has gotten good results of ‘looking back’ on someone.

              That’s just me.

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              • geekhiker says:

                It’s always interesting how people have such different opinions on this sort of thing. Like I said above, my instinct is that it’s a bad idea. If I did, though, it would have to be via e-mail, as I seem to have deleted her phone number. Besides, given my dark view of the world, my suspicion is that the guy she probably blew me off for is probably her husband by now…

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                • narami says:

                  Well, I think people with luck in love and a positive attitude will vote for the “yeah, you should email/call/text/contact her/him!!” and people with bad experiences and a general caution will vote “NO FREAKING WAY!”

                  I’m one of the latter 🙂

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                    • narami says:

                      Yeah. Personally, I’ve learned not to ask questions that I don’t really want to know the answer to. Because yes, it would be so dreamy if whenever we looked back that person was still hung up on us and said “oh, it is the best thing to hear from you again! I was thinking about you too!” That’s what we want to look back for, well, most times when someone leaves like that, and doesn’t contact you again (in your case, doesn’t even give an explanation, so we can pretty much conclude that she treated you unfairly) is because they REALLY wanted to leave and not know from us again. And we should know that already because THEY LEFT and didn’t contacted us again. So, my answer to that is that you already know the part that involves you and that’s the only part you need to know.

                      Again, that’s what I think and these things are so … you know, to each their own.

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