[Me]: The bad and the dirty


You might remember that, at the Guns & Roses concert I talked with a boy that was sitting beside me and was actually bold enough to ask him to add himself to my facebook friends.  With my blackberry.  It was all very technologic and modern.


Later on, like back in May? June? July? I’m very bad at this (remembering dates), it’s one of my good reasons to blog, otherwise I can’t chronologically know anything.  Lets say it was back about then;  there was a concert at the Hard Rock Café and he posted the event in his facebook.

I saw it, re-posted it in my wall and stated that I was attending.

Long story short – we ended up planning to find each over there to enjoy the music together.  It was us and his sister and that night, the music was AWESOME, the NBA finals were on and we had a great time.

Weeks later, MANY weeks later, we messaged each other  and I told him he could call me if he wanted to chat, which he did.  That night he told me his sister had asked him how I was, told him that she liked me, that I seemed like a nice girl and if he hadn’t called me again, maybe he should.

His vacations were coming up (his work schedule is totally opposite mine, and his free days are Tuesdays and Wednesdays) and he wanted to set up a date.

I was cheery about this.  He seemed like a nice guy too, maybe a little too… how would you say when someone has few interests?  Cause I’m on the other end of the extreme;  I have TOO MANY interests, and then I admit I might get a little bored of talking about the same two things over and over, but he was bright and sweet and I like dates with bright sweet people, so I said yes.

We had a great first date.  We laughed, we talked, he wanted to get to know me and I basically interviewed him, we ate great food, we compared iPods and discovered we liked so many of the same weird music;  it was great.   Although, he called me after the date to ask me if I was waiting for him to kiss me at the end and I was all WHA? And I didn’t found him uber attractive physically, in fact I was highly intimidated by how tall he was (6’ 2”, my tallest date has been 5’11”), but he had very cute eyes and a sweet smile and I like people with cute eyes and sweet smiles.

It’s his vacations, two weeks free and he wants a second date.  And he calls me every night, he texts me, he stalks my facebook, he tells me I’m special, he enumerates all the reasons why.

I begin to think that he thinks he knows me, when I think he has barely scratched the surface.  He thinks this will get solved in our next date.

We went out and had dinner.  Afterwards I invited him to a tequila shot for celebration.  He talked a lot and I listed a lot, I was entertained.  At the end of the date he wanted to kiss me.  I was taken aback, even though he had mentioned kissing before (a lot), so I moved back and paused and thought oh, what the hell (WHICH I know it’s not a good thing because it was what I did with Dragon thinking that I wouldn’t get involved and we all know how -FOUR YEARS- involved I got, but for the record that first was awesome; my stomach got tied and I felt it in my toes) and then I moved forward, he asked if he could please and I said yes, and I kissed him.

And I really REALLY.  Didn’t. Like it.

I felt like I was kissing a guy that just walked by me, so strange and unfamiliar and, not in the good way, but in the way where whenever he reached out to touch me I was spooked by his proximity. I wanted him to stay in his space and not invade mine;  I felt overwhelmed by him.  Probably by his intentions too; but he wasn’t disrespectful, I just sensed them and I didn’t like what I sensed.

I knew right then that I didn’t wanted to pursue this, whatever was happening.  I didn’t felt desire to hear him, to hug him;  I didn’t wanted to reach out to him at all.  I might not be the most forward of people, or the most physical … wait, I AM very physical:  I am all for hugging people, and kissing them and I love to feel boy’s beards and touch their faces so when I felt so different for this guy I just knew it wasn’t right with me.

On the phone he told me he was very glad we had met, that he knew Guns & Roses had been my favorite concert ever (I said that, I will say that always because it’s the truth) because I met him there (now that’s most definitely NOT THE REASON why!  Remember I wanted to give my babies to DJ Ashba?), he said I was something else.

His vacations were almost over and he wanted to go out again.

We went to the movies to see Inception (what was the big fuss about?  Yes it was a good movie, but jeez, I wasn’t blown away)  and I told him that I was going to SEE THE MOVIE, if you know what I mean.  Since we were on kissing terms already there were a couple of “romantic” exchanges, but again, he wasn’t terribly rude or anything, mainly he just wanted to kiss my hands.  I thought I had no problem with that until he did it and felt like I wanted to go wash them because like I have told you before I’M A HORRIBLE PERSON.  (A friend was insulting me yesterday because I said that sentence, apparently I’m not allowed to say it out loud ever again.  I’m typing it now so, I’m gonna go with that doesn’t count.)

After the movie we had to say goodbye, and really goodbye, because we were probably not going to see each other until he could have a break from his work, or until his free days got changed and that was every three months.  I’m not going to lie, I was glad because then I could tell him that I had a great time with him, that I had fun and it was good that we got together and everything, but maybe we should leave it there.  So I tried to do that after the movie and apparently I wasn’t expressing myself well because at some point he cut me to state that he didn’t had a girlfriend, so why did he felt like I was leaving him?  I said of course, it’s nothing like that, it’s just that well, you know… and then I babbled a lot of words that maybe didn’t made any sense at all.

He told me to chill, that we were going to work it out, it was going to be ok, that he could see I was sad because we wouldn’t be able to see each other much but I shouldn’t get down like that because we were going to work through this and win.

You can see that, that went on a very different direction of the one I was veering for.

Maybe I shouldn’t mention this but I’m going to because it was a moment for me;  he hugged me goodbye and instead of feeling on someone, protected, like that feeling I generally get when I hug a guy, I felt lost. I felt lost in a space.  That makes no sense because the guy is huge, about five times myself and he can bear-hug me to oblivion, yet it happened and I wanted to run away.

I was feeling relieved anyway because there was going to be a definite reason to end this summer lovin when I got home, opened my purse and found (and please play drum rolls in your mind here) his sunglasses.

So, I HAD to see him again.    I told him so that night, not before checking that he didn’t do it on purpose.

The next day I had  a previous engagement with Ivette and Lito, it was the date I blogged about going to the beach.  I talked to them about the whole situation and received two very different feedbacks;  Ivette was condescending with me, I met someone and I tried, I dated!  I have the right to date!  If I was feeling pressured it was most definitely his fault, ALL HIS, and he should give me a break.  Men! Trying to kiss you and get in your pants!

Lito on the other hand, was very quite most of the day and then he said that I shouldn’t worry so much about what to do because either way, the guy would always think I was a bitch and would hate me anyways.  Then he was also outraged because I didn’t told him I was dating this idiot while it was happening, what was I thinking?  Is he not my FRIEND?!  And by the way, you (me) don’t have to date this idiots! Have you learned nothing! You are smart, mature and to top it all, pretty, in fact I understand if the guy already wants to marry you (that’s a direct quote) but you are bordering desperation when you DON’T HAVE TO BE DESPERATE!   Jesus woman:  fix those self-esteem issues.

In any case there was consensus on the fact that I should be clear and straight forward because it was what it was and that was; nothing at all.

I called him at the end of the day, exhausted, but already dressed to give him his sunglasses, he tells me he has been thinking.  He has everything figured out;  we just have to make a commitment.  We would work out two days every week to see each other either before or after my work hours, and then in three months we would shift those for another two days… there was a way to work it out and he was decided to find it, but he was asking me if I was willing to commit to do that, I could think about it and tell him later.

I didn’t had to think about it so I told him I could answer right then.  I was not willing to do that.  Why?  He asked.  And I told him that I didn’t had many things I needed to make a commitment with him, that the commitment to get to expand our relationship and know each other was making me feel pressured into something because he had expectations that I didn’t knew if I wanted to meet.  He asked me to be specific, what did I needed?  I told him I needed to feel like I knew the person I was going to be with, that I felt we didn’t knew each other enough for me to make any kind of commitment with him, that I needed familiarity, I needed patience and time and a slower pace.  I said I know I have to work out a lot of shit of my own, that he has met pieces of me and while he thinks I’m awesome (his words) I am also broken and there’s a lot I have to fix about me if I’m going to be with someone, like the mere fact of accepting someone wanting to be physically close to me;  I said I needed friendship before romance because I don’t know how to do it backwards.

He said he had never dated someone without the purpose of being romantic with them, that for him fast would be having sex in our next date when he was only asking to keep dating me, that the commitment was to get to know each other and see where things went.

Then he said I didn’t had to give him the sunglasses that night, that I could call him later to fix that and we’ll talk later, bye.

I cried for two hours.  I would never hurt someone on purpose, but I wouldn’t lie either.

I met him yesterday to give him his sunglasses and he received me with chocolates, a burrito cupon and a smile.  He apologized for hanging up on me and basically went on for two hours on how he didn’t understand my point, I went on for two hours defending my point;  he wants to be friends with benefits that will eventually be boyfriend and girlfriend (or maybe not, but he thinks that mostly yes), I want to be friends and get to know him before making any type of commitment of time or energy or anything, I very specifically took all his “benefits” (that would be the kisses) away, he hated that and insisted (which I thought was very funny) that I was hating it too because I would miss his kisses so much.  NOT DUDE. NOT.

After I got tired of going in circles in the conversation I told him I’m never dating smart guys again because I knew he could defend his point forever, and so could I so basically the discussion would never end.   He let me go with the phrase “we’ll be good”  and I agreed.   He just called me from his work to say hi and ask me about my day.

I’m guessing we’ll see each other again.  I’m guessing I’m not gonna like him more then, than I do now.   I now know that I have to specifically say “look, this is not working out” in order to get my point across that I’m not willing to be in a relationship with him (though I’m guessing that works generally too, so, I learned something!).

And that is the story of the dude that I’m not in a relationship with,  but I’m so going to brake up with him at some point anyway.

Update:  Paragraph where I mention he let out his idiot in that post.  He actually told me to F myself in a public message in Facebook.  Classy for a dude that wanted me to be reassured he was a very nice person.


3 thoughts on “[Me]: The bad and the dirty

  1. geekhiker says:

    Hm. Interesting. Hard to tell if he’s just a hopeless romantic who tends to fall for someone too quickly (not that I’ve ever been that in the past *cough*), or someone who’s feeding you lines in order to get physical.

    Still, the thing that struck me the most was your feeling when you were hugging each other. Seriously, if you’re repulsed just being embraced by someone, that’s a sign that there’s nothing there. Think about it: lovers, friends, heck, even ex-boyfriends you probably wouldn’t have that reaction with.

    But, yes, it’s hard, I understand. Hope you find the right path on this one…


    • narami says:

      it could also be a combination of those two things I guess… ?

      oh, believe me, I’m clear that THERE IS NOTHING THERE. That’s EXACTLY what ticked me too! But when I told him I wanted to be friends he took it like I wanted to be friends before marrying him or something. And then there’s all the good-intentioned friends who wonder if I’m not being too difficult, if maybe I’ll get over that wretched repulsive feeling on a next date, if I’m judging him wrongly and then you’ll end up all alone forever just because you want to be when there’s all these (erm, riiiiiight) opportunities knocking at your door!!!!
      And they make me doubt myself because, what IF I’m being too difficult and he’s just perfect and I’m all bitchy?!

      Hard shit is hard.

      PD he agreed to be my friend, but he textes me frequently about how he DOESN’T want to be just friends and how he likes me so much. Just now he sent me a message because he’s the only one trying to keep phone communications, and maybe I could call him more. HE HAS NO IDEA HE’S BUILDING HIS OWN TOMB. I’m so tempted to just call him and say “dude, you are really fucking up your case. Like seriously.” In English and everything.



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