It all started like this.
We (the work group) wanted to go out in March. After many discussions someone came up with the idea that we should go to the bioluminescent lagoon in Vieques, which is 6 times brighter than the one we visited in Fajardo (Fajardo has about 110,000 dinoflagelados per gallon & Vieques has 710,000 if I remember correctly, which I might not, I’m pretty bummed) so we are all like WHOA YES. We invite everyone in the group.And then somehow we get exited about inviting every single living creature that lives in this island. And we did.
Now there’s people invited that I don’t even want to SEE. Did I mention this was going to be in March? Yes? IN MY BIRTHDAY?!! I don’t want to have a bad time in my birthday, I mean the trip is the only good thing I can think off to actually sort of look forward to my birthday.
One (mind you, there’s a list of at least 4 more persons that we, meaning other people and me, don’t want going.** See I’m not the only selfish bastard!) of the persons I don’t want to see? JulieAnn Marie Presley. Yes, my best friend. The one girl that has been there ALWAYS when I’ve needed someone to scream to, the one that had her eyes shining when she saw how happy me & Dragon were, the one that was happy to see US happy; her. I don’t want to see her. Because:
- her mere presence hurts me. It hurts me to see her and not see him. It hurts me to see her laughing because we used to laugh together, all of us, and what is she doing laughing?!! HOW CAN SHE LAUGH when I can’t even get up bed some days?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I listen to her and sometimes I want to cry, JUST BECAUSE OF HER VOICE. I’m completely messed up, but even more because;
- she has a boyfriend.A boy that’s making her happy. Happy like I can’t be.I’m not envious, I’m jealous.That we can’t be happy together. That I can’t have her for me. That he is going to make her laugh and I? I’ll be wanting that, and I’ll be wanting her to laugh with me. I’m horrible.HORRIBLE.
Diz basically obligated me to call her. She said “Narami give her a chance.” And that made me feel so tiny, so minuscule & so stupid that I called her and invited her and even managed to sound a tinsy exited about her going. So she is probably going and the only way I think I can manage this is to buy enough beer so that I can get drunk and pass out early after the lagoon tour. It will prevent me from hating her boyfriend, who I don’t even know (and who I fear will only get a very cold “hi” from me in the whole two days) and from ignoring her and/or yelling at her in hatred. (No, I don’t mean that.)
And that’s that story of how the most awesome trip ever has the potential of being a nightmare.
But that’s not all because if it were the days would be pink with little white bubbles.
Last Sunday we had that department party where we rocked our socks in joy right?
Yesterday we were informed our division (in THE company) was sold.As in we are now waiting to see if we are going to have jobs or not in a few months. By March the selling transaction should be finished and I dunno, we might have our jobs … or we might not. As I am a temp still, there’s three possibilities:
- everything will keep working as it has been until now; they need my input and they give me a temp contract until things are organized.
- when the new company comes in they transfer all employees that are needed for normal operations where temps are included, and they give a permanent contract.
- they don’t need temps, temps suck and they should be gone forever.
I don’t have to point out which one I’m hoping for.Right now everyone’s a mess.We don’t know anything, our manager doesn’t know anything, we are a bunch of ignorant bastards working for somebody hoping to get paid next week. It’s really depressing, I mean if I hadn’t been depressed already it would depress me. People are walking around with this faces, like … blegh.I was really bummed today when I made my daily effort to say hello to everyone with a face that didn’t show my desire to stay at home, in corner with my cover over my head and everyone just sort of looked at me like they wanted to cry.
That. On top of the other… see? I can’t even type about the…
** Diz and me don’t want Bin to go, he is an idiot sometimes and his wife hates THE WATER, for God’s sake.
None of us want Rod’s wife to go, including Rod himself who has been forced (by the abundant matrimonial problems) that his wife is only like the most difficult human being in the district and it’s almost impossible to have fun with her. We have tried in multiple occasions (last one being the party) and there’s just no way with her. She is jealous of the air that he breathes, she gets childish and bitchy and plain impossible around normal people interacting with them and this would be no problem if Rod was an idiot, BUT he is nice and fun and so happy that her attitude makes us want to smash her head with a beer can.
Gard’s girlfriend is going, we’ve never seen her but she calls him about 578 times in 15 minutes (I’m not exaggerating that much there) AND she hates CAMPING, we concluded that there’s a 90% chance we are going to look at her and vomit. Ok, we are not going to vomit.But our stomachs will hurt a little.
And last but so very certainly NOT LEAST Gard wants to pair me up with this guy, who is his very best friend/brother in the universe. The guy is 24 I think.It’s a scientist, very intelligent, well mannered… Diz and Gard introduced us some months ago, he is even a good looking guy. And we I met him and stretched his hand I knew he is gay. I told Diz (who knows him from years ago too) and she opened her eyes until she couldn’t no more and said “You are crazy!!!!!” and then she paused and went… “Oh my GOD! He could be!” two days later she was convinced he is gay. This has not been confirmed by no more than our four eyes watching him walk and dress.We don’t know for certain he is gay, but honestly?I think he is, hands down. (Has never had a real girlfriend, is EXTREMLY picky with girls… to the point it’s ridiculous really.) Problem?I have no problem with talking to him, although I don’t like the idea because I don’t want people to say I’m talking to any guy since there is only one very beautiful guy in my heart, but I can’t say no to friends because that’s rude and not very me, and not very realistic;the problem is that Gard has no idea his friend is gay and he expects us to see each other and fall in complete and total love.(I don’t talk about my personal anything’s at work, but I plan on telling Gard about el que es mi amor, you know so that he has an idea, a clear idea of how is it that I’m not going to like any other boy that is not that boy. I’m going to tell him without telling him.I’ve become an expert in that practice.)I feel a little pressure on his part since I can imagine him throwing cupido heart’s all over and making us sit together and stuff, and the poor gay guy, Car, will be there thinking EW! A GIRL! Poor thing. And I will be left there, sitting in the beach in the most romantic setting ever, with the sand and the moon and a gay boy. Feeling stupidly uncomfortable and thinking of my love.
There.I feel just like this post looks:all over the place.Like a bunch of thoughts comes and slaps my brain every now and then and leaves me numb with stress and… stress.